Dear Mount St. Helens,

I was watching Volcano the other day, you know, that movie with Tommy Lee Jones and Anne Heche. And, it got me to thinking.

Why can't you come bury Los Angeles in oozing mounds of scalding hot magma?

Wait! Hear me out!

The Pacific Northwest has never done anything to you. It's filled with peaceful, coffee-loving hippies. Is that really who you want to smack down?

Meanwhile, Hollywood has made not one, but TWO character defaming movies about you and your brethren in the past ten years. And we all saw how the people of Los Angeles were brought together, despite their differences, to fight lava side-by-side in Volcano.

I'm not alone in thinking we could all use a little magma-and-ash-induced racial and socio-economic harmony here in LA.

If Los Angeles seems a little passé (plus, you probably don't want to get overshadowed by the next earthquake, fire, flood or tidal wave, all of which we're due for in the next week), may I suggest another location? Florida, let's say?

Okay, I know the con list: destroying Florida has been done before. All those hurricanes have really stolen your thunder (pardon the pun). However! There are some positives:

* It's entirely unexpected.
* Think of all the frequent flyer miles you'll get from crossing the country and coming back. You'll be able to upgrade to first class if you ever get the urge to, say, go destroy North Korea.
* It's a key swing state. That's front-page news right there!

So, let me know, Mt. St. Helens. If you need help getting a cheap ticket I'm a whiz with Orbitz.

Love,
Skye

P.S. On your way to Florida, if you get a layover in Chicago O'Hare, can you destroy the Cinnabon there for me? Just for kicks.